There is a door being slammed all around us. A door that the “take care of me” culture has slowly been using to keep IT out. They shove it in a closet, lock the door and throw away the key. What is IT that has become so hard to be an ever-part of our lives and homes? SELFLESSNESS.
In fact, it is something I’ve seen take a back seat lately, and felt an explosion roaring up from the bottom of my soul. I’ve watched husbands, after 30 years of marriage, walk out with no plans of ever returning. I’ve witnessed mothers suddenly turn their hearts and time away from the kids they once raised. I’ve seen young couples depleted with weariness, ready to throw in the towel because marriage doesn’t seem as glamorous as they once imagined. I’ve heard men and women alike fuss and fight because they are simply just too tired of serving. Admittedly, I can be one of those women.
I don’t always feel like living selflessly for others. Sometimes I merely want to sit sipping my coffee, scrolling my phone, or reading a good book. I don’t want to get up and make them breakfast and start getting out the school books. I don’t always feel like waking up in the night to tend to a fussy baby and I certainly don’t always feel like changing the diapers or scrubbing the toilets. I don’t always want to compromise with a spouse, or listen to everyone else’s ideas. Sometimes I simply want life to go as conveniently and easy as possible.
The days move in a never-ending cycle of service; cook, clean, work, discipline, fold, wash, brush, bed, and repeat. The routine and daily grind of living our lives serving the children, the spouses, the friends, and the family can be utterly draining. It isn’t easy, in fact it can be darn near possible, to live the life that God has called us to.
In a world where so much focus is placed on doing whatever makes us happy, the enemy can sneakily breathe lies into our hearts. We can start to believe we’ve been given the short end of the stick, that we’ve been serving for far too long, and now “It is time I put myself first.”
But, putting our own wants and desires aside for the good of serving another is one of the greatest and most fulfilling, while also the most difficult, callings of human life. Yet, this is exactly why the creator of the stars and seas created us. We were made to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this life, and to be happy with Him forever in the next. We most beautifully love and serve him through loving and serving others.
In fact, this is precisely what God came to show us how to do. The Son of Man, who was born into the fullness of selfless love itself – the family, lived out his earthly ministry by serving others. Mark reminds us that “Even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45
But still, we are weak and broken, and this selfless kind of love will not always be easy. Recently, I found myself about to speak to a number of people regarding the calling of dying to ourselves, and living our lives as selfless fountains of love, being poured out for the good of others. But then, before I even opened my mouth, I heard God whisper into my heart two simple words, “Selfishly selfless.” I was suddenly flooded with the reality of how one’s life looks when they live merely for themselves versus living for others.
This is something I think we as a modern culture should pay very close attention to. We all want joy and happiness, and we often search for this by seeking out ways to meet our needs. Yet, when we live only for ourselves, we run the risk of breaking hearts and homes, including and most especially our OWN.
Marriages become tumultuous and relationships become strained. When our greatest priority is ourselves, we end up far from the joy filled life we were SO desperately seeking.
In fact, it is surprisingly ironic, yet powerfully true, that if we pay close attention to our greatest needs, desires, and hopes for joy and happiness, then living a life of selflessness is one of the most beautifully selfish things we can do. When we pour ourselves out in selflessness by loving, doting and tending to those that Christ has laid in our path, we bear more joy producing fruit in our own lives than we could have expected; the thriving marriage, the secure and joy filled children, the underlying peace. Whereas, living solely for oneself usually leads to broken marriages and strained relationships, which carries around the dark heavy cloud of pain and anguish.
Will we be free of pain by living selflessly? Certainly not! Yet, God gives us the framework for a life overflowing with His eternal joy. He tells us of the beautiful consequences of pouring ourselves out for the sake of another. He says “Give and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.” (Luke 6:38)
Although we are not called to serve with the motive of selfish demands, God tells us that by living a life of selflessness we will in fact most perfectly set ourselves up to meet our heart’s most beautiful desires. So when we find ourselves exhausted, weary or resentful for having to fold one more piece of clothing, wash one more dish, or show up for one more day for work, maybe just maybe, we can remember that living selflessly is actually one of the most beautifully selfish things we can do!